Pergamentum exit per Squid

The human and I were in agreement about the topic we felt needed to be addressed in today's post. She and I strongly feel that it is most urgent to discuss the pressing issue of bad odors, in the hopes that others will realize the harm that they cause to the general well-being of a dorm. She even wished to write her own post on the matter, but as we both know that I have far greater writing abilities she decided to allow me to do the honors. She did request, however, that I start off with a fitting anecdote from her past:

There was a male specimen in her high school marching band for several years while she was a member, and he was discovered to have a most horrible stench lingering about him. As she describes it, you could smell him approaching before he even came into view. This individual's odor, and the general panic that ensued whenever he approached my human and her companions, caused them to start referring to him as "Gamey." This word, quite simply, means a foul, unwholesome, squalid, putrid, reekingly offensive odor.

The purpose of this charming story is just how unwelcome bad smells are to most people with average olfactory senses. If you are one of those unfortunate individuals who fit under the wide banner of "Gameyness," people will begin to avoid you like the plague. Occasional odors are understandable and easily overlooked, but constant, gag-inducing gameyness is a phenomenon that is advisable to avoid at all costs. The same goes for not only personal hygiene, but keeping one's living quarters smelling relatively fresh, or at least neutral. This brings us to the purpose of today's discussion. There is a room on the floor where we live, occupied by human males, which has a very unpleasant odor constantly eminating from it. Its pungency is such that when these males have their door open, the entire hallway takes on the smothering stench and those passing the room find themselves having to hold their breath for quite a distance before dashing into the safety and clean smells of their own dwelling quarters. You may not realize it, but we squids do not have noses... and yet, even without olfactory glands, I still find myself needing to hang out our window and inhale some fresh air after passing by this particular room. It is quite disgusting.

Need I describe it? Imagine, if you can, the smell of unwashed laundry. Not just some clothing that's been worn for an extra day, but a whole pile of re-used socks and underwear, shirts that have been slept in and worn for several days in a row, and pants that can probably walk on their own by now. Add to this the smell of the insides of several pairs of old gym shoes. Now mix in foot odor--strong, acrid foot odor. My human tells me that shoes smell vaguely of Fritos, so throw a bag of slightly rotton corn chips into the mix. Factor in a window that has probably never been opened and several human males themselves, and you should end up with a stimulated gag reflex and a need to run for the nearest bathroom.

Now, obviously, many human males are quite capable of keeping a clean, decent-smelling abode. My human informs me that many of them are also able to smell very good themselves. There are plenty of male rooms on this floor that smell perfectly acceptable and do not cast a piquant odor down the rest of the hall. However, as I have just finished illustrating, one room is more than enough to perfume an entire floor.

Can this situation be rectified? Could simply opening their window solve half the problem? Will the rest of the penthouse residents be able to survive the winter without being overcome by the fumes? These are pressing questions that must be addressed. As a penthouse resident myself, the last point is particularly important -- self-preservation is a top priority for squids. With any luck, the offending males will soon realize that they are unable to thrive under these conditions and will taken action to eliminate the foul odor. If they do not, a well-placed cleaning lady (and there are few of those here indeed...but that is a story for another post) may become a necessary acquisition.

Cheers (and lightly-scented hankies to place under one's nose),
Squidmore